Last night I watched a story on 60 minutes about Perth newsreader Charmaine Dragun. Battling mental illness for more than a decade she was unable to fight any more and took her life at the notorious Sydney suicide spot, The Gap.
There were a couple of things that really stood out to me in this story and what stood out most was how easy it is to look at the face people put on to show the world. From any outsider looking in this girl from Perth had it all. She was in love, had a wonderful loving family, a glamorous job and yet she still had so much hurt and anguish and pain she just wanted it to end and she did it the only way she knew how. Watching her, she appears so confident and beautiful ,with the world at her feet. I think of the lyrics from one of my favourite Smokey Robinson songs, "Now there's some sad things known to man. But ain't too much sadder than the tears of a clown, when there's no one around"
Charmaine's mother made mention that Charmaine blamed herself for being sick and asked "Why? Why did she blame herself?" The analogy was made that a person with heart disease doesn't feel the need to blame themselves (unless I guess they've been on a cheeseburger diet! another story... ;) ) and yet a person with a depressive illness is likely to blame themselves for being that way.
Both these things come done to one thing I think. Stigma.
The stigma that if you have depression you are weak.
The stigma that if you are bipolar you are 'looney'.
The stigma that if you've lost a loved one to suicide you can not share your grief freely.
Stigma.
This MUST change. It HAS to.
If you need to speak to someone remember Lifeline is only a phonecall away - 13 11 14
Monday, October 25, 2010
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
My own black dog
On a bad day... when I wake up I don't even want to open my eyes.
On a bad day... the thought of lifting my body up out of bed can bring me to tears.
On a bad day... someone can ask me what's wrong and I don't even have the energy to respond.
On a bad day... the anxiety in the pit of my stomach can make me vomit.
On a bad day... I'm mean, I snap, I grump, I scowl, I'm angry.
On a bad day... I cry. For hours.
On a bad day... I feel helpless and out of control.
On a bad day... I'm over energised, hyper active, never still, nervous.
This is depression for me.
One bad day, at my lowest, my very lowest... it was just one day, it was just a fleeting thought. I thought no one would miss me.
My depression was only recently diagnosed (just over a year ago) but on reflection I have been fighting this disease since my teenage years.
On a good day... I can say I have depression but I'm ok.
Kel xx
On a bad day... the thought of lifting my body up out of bed can bring me to tears.
On a bad day... someone can ask me what's wrong and I don't even have the energy to respond.
On a bad day... the anxiety in the pit of my stomach can make me vomit.
On a bad day... I'm mean, I snap, I grump, I scowl, I'm angry.
On a bad day... I cry. For hours.
On a bad day... I feel helpless and out of control.
On a bad day... I'm over energised, hyper active, never still, nervous.
This is depression for me.
One bad day, at my lowest, my very lowest... it was just one day, it was just a fleeting thought. I thought no one would miss me.
My depression was only recently diagnosed (just over a year ago) but on reflection I have been fighting this disease since my teenage years.
On a good day... I can say I have depression but I'm ok.
Kel xx
Monday, October 11, 2010
Have you missed me??
I've been out of action (on this blog anyway!) for a couple of days. Have I been idle in this time? Wouldn't that be nice!
I still haven't replaced my crushed pedometer. What is the appropriate period of mourning one must wait before replacing a piece of gadgetry that was attached to oneself for 10 hours a day? I'm sure there's some socially acceptable formula.
It probably goes something like the cost of pedometer squared/height of the wearer x number of steps taken/days owned x100 = the number of days before replacement can be made...
Rough calculationin my head on the calculator... 33.6113 days, yep a month, that's about the time frame I get things done in. Maori time! ;)
The event organisation is coming along nicely. I owe a huge thanks to Marita from Red on Red Florist for her her help and support and above all her enthusiasm. It's a bug I don't mind catching!
The (draft) general outline/timeline for the weekend 29-30 January 2011 is:
11am – 3pm Mini fete/carnival and general entertainment. Stalls, fairy, clown, wacky wagon, zumba demo.12pm Start walking!7pm – 12am “Blue” Cocktail Evening. Guest speaker and local band/DJ/entertainment12pm Stop Walking!12-1pm Wind down/Silent Auctions close/Raffles drawn
I hope many of you will be able to join us.
I still haven't replaced my crushed pedometer. What is the appropriate period of mourning one must wait before replacing a piece of gadgetry that was attached to oneself for 10 hours a day? I'm sure there's some socially acceptable formula.
It probably goes something like the cost of pedometer squared/height of the wearer x number of steps taken/days owned x100 = the number of days before replacement can be made...
Rough calculation
The event organisation is coming along nicely. I owe a huge thanks to Marita from Red on Red Florist for her her help and support and above all her enthusiasm. It's a bug I don't mind catching!
The (draft) general outline/timeline for the weekend 29-30 January 2011 is:
Saturday 29
Sunday 30
8am – 10/11am Sausage Sizzle breakfast
I hope many of you will be able to join us.
There's lots of work to do but I'm excited. And I have to say again I'm absolutely thrilled and humbled by the feedback, support and encouragement I am receiving.
Enjoy the rest of the work week my friends! Look after each other.
Kel xx
Kel xx
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Today was "R U OK?" Day
Thursday 7 October, 2010 is R U OK?Day, a national day of action that aims to prevent suicide by encouraging people to connect with colleagues, friends and loved ones and ask: "Are you OK?".
Staying connected with others is crucial to our general health and wellbeing. Feelings of isolation and being alone are major contributing factors to depression and social issues that can ultimately result in suicide. Regular, meaningful conversations can protect those we know and love.
It's so simple but in the time it takes to have a coffee, you can start a conversation that could change a life.
It's so simple but in the time it takes to have a coffee, you can start a conversation that could change a life.
It was lovely today to see so many people on Facebook ask the question and talk. While it's nice to have a special day, it should be every day that you ask those you know, "How are you?" and remind them, "I love you".
There may come a time though when you ask and someone says, "No, I'm not." Then what? Those that suffer with depression will know the frustration of being told,"Cheer up mate" or "Things will be ok".
I would encourage everyone to look into Suicide Prevention First Aid Training.
LivingWorks is a national Lifeline service aiming to create suicide safer communities by providing training to increase suicide awareness and/or prevent suicide.
A network of trainers across Australia can provide Applied Suicide Intervention Skills Training (ASIST) or safeTalk training to equip individuals to help people at risk of suicide keep safe and access further support.
This training can be provided to family and friends, work and team mates, in professional or volunteering roles.
LivingWorks training can help people:
Increase their awareness of suicide and see prevention opportunities they may otherwise miss
Become more alert to clues and communications that someone may be thinking of suicide
Ask about suicide and respond in ways that show understanding and assess risk
Work with persons at risk to increase their safety
Facilitate links with further help from family, friends and professional helpers as needed
For more information about the training provided by LivingWorks visit the LivingWorks website or contact LivingWorks Australia directly:
LivingWorks Australia
P.O. Box 173
Deakin West, ACT 2600, Australia
A network of trainers across Australia can provide Applied Suicide Intervention Skills Training (ASIST) or safeTalk training to equip individuals to help people at risk of suicide keep safe and access further support.
This training can be provided to family and friends, work and team mates, in professional or volunteering roles.
LivingWorks training can help people:
Increase their awareness of suicide and see prevention opportunities they may otherwise miss
Become more alert to clues and communications that someone may be thinking of suicide
Ask about suicide and respond in ways that show understanding and assess risk
Work with persons at risk to increase their safety
Facilitate links with further help from family, friends and professional helpers as needed
For more information about the training provided by LivingWorks visit the LivingWorks website or contact LivingWorks Australia directly:
LivingWorks Australia
P.O. Box 173
Deakin West, ACT 2600, Australia
Ps. No step count for today, still haven't replaced the crushed pedometer!
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Things are rolling
Firstly the step(s) update.
Tuesday - 10,897
Today - Um... I ran over my pedometer!!! (stop laughing) I suppose you want to hear the story behind it.
I have every Wednesday off from my day job as a teller for NAB. Although I use the term "day off" very loosely because as every mother out there knows sometimes a day at home without the kids is more exhausting than running 5 kms with your hands tied behind your back and a backpack on! We headed out to one of the local parks and I grab the pedometer as I ran out the door, clipped it on and away we go. To the park, swings, sand, slides, bars... ok enough now, home time! As I got in the car I went to check my running total but no pedometer. I thought maybe I hadn't clipped it on in the rush this morning. Oh well, will have to make up for it lately. Kids buckled in, myself buckled in, radio on, reverse on, kids in the back yelling for coffee (they get hot choc at the drive through) and above all this hubbub as I reversed I heard a 'ccrrruunnnncccchhhhhh'...What was that? Ooopppsss. There's my pedometer! ;) Back to the shop tomorrow for a new one!
But to make up for that little downer for the day the highlight of my day was securing the Mining Hall of Fame in Kalgoorlie as the venue for the walk on 29/30 January 2011. Now that the venue is confirmed there's lots of work to get things done! So... on to it!
As I sign off today I remind you that tomorrow (which will be today if I don't finish typing soon) is R U OK Day. Check out the website. It is up to us as a community of human beings to look out for our fellow man.
Love Kelly xx
Tuesday - 10,897
Today - Um... I ran over my pedometer!!! (stop laughing) I suppose you want to hear the story behind it.
I have every Wednesday off from my day job as a teller for NAB. Although I use the term "day off" very loosely because as every mother out there knows sometimes a day at home without the kids is more exhausting than running 5 kms with your hands tied behind your back and a backpack on! We headed out to one of the local parks and I grab the pedometer as I ran out the door, clipped it on and away we go. To the park, swings, sand, slides, bars... ok enough now, home time! As I got in the car I went to check my running total but no pedometer. I thought maybe I hadn't clipped it on in the rush this morning. Oh well, will have to make up for it lately. Kids buckled in, myself buckled in, radio on, reverse on, kids in the back yelling for coffee (they get hot choc at the drive through) and above all this hubbub as I reversed I heard a 'ccrrruunnnncccchhhhhh'...What was that? Ooopppsss. There's my pedometer! ;) Back to the shop tomorrow for a new one!
But to make up for that little downer for the day the highlight of my day was securing the Mining Hall of Fame in Kalgoorlie as the venue for the walk on 29/30 January 2011. Now that the venue is confirmed there's lots of work to get things done! So... on to it!
As I sign off today I remind you that tomorrow (which will be today if I don't finish typing soon) is R U OK Day. Check out the website. It is up to us as a community of human beings to look out for our fellow man.
Love Kelly xx
Monday, October 4, 2010
2 days of stepping.
I know, I know! I said I would post my steps every day but um... ah... no excuses. Just slack!
Just in case you were waiting with baited breath:
10,834 and 11,234
Not sure what I was doing yesterday? But I'll have to keep it up!
A few donations have come in which is so lovely. You can click here to donate or click the link to the right of this page.
It's a beautiful sunshine filled day here. Where ever you are today I hope your hearts are filled with love. :)
Just in case you were waiting with baited breath:
10,834 and 11,234
Not sure what I was doing yesterday? But I'll have to keep it up!
A few donations have come in which is so lovely. You can click here to donate or click the link to the right of this page.
It's a beautiful sunshine filled day here. Where ever you are today I hope your hearts are filled with love. :)
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Barely made it today
10,102 steps.
It's the weekend and Kalgoorlie is starting to heat up. Anyone that knows me knows that when it heats up...I melt down! I didn't want to be moving anywhere let alone doing 10,000+ steps.
I rounded up all 3 kids and headed into town, to the park and to Bunnings to get seedlings for our new vege garden. Finished off with a drive through Milkshake from One for the Road to reward myself for surviving the day so far, lol.
The heat that peeked it's face out today is just a hint of what's to come in an average Kalgoorlie summer. I have been wondering how I'm going to manage the walk on 30 January. There's every chance it's going to be 40+ degrees... oh my!
It's the weekend and Kalgoorlie is starting to heat up. Anyone that knows me knows that when it heats up...I melt down! I didn't want to be moving anywhere let alone doing 10,000+ steps.
I rounded up all 3 kids and headed into town, to the park and to Bunnings to get seedlings for our new vege garden. Finished off with a drive through Milkshake from One for the Road to reward myself for surviving the day so far, lol.
The heat that peeked it's face out today is just a hint of what's to come in an average Kalgoorlie summer. I have been wondering how I'm going to manage the walk on 30 January. There's every chance it's going to be 40+ degrees... oh my!
Friday, October 1, 2010
Impressed today. 10,930
So today I almost broke trough the 11,000 step mark with a total of 10,930 steps taken from 8am-6pm today.
I probably managed a few hundred extra today because of a tiny blonde moment. After work I walked up the road to where I have been parking a little further away to get the extra steps in. I get there... no car... It takes a few seconds before I remember I was running late getting back from lunch so parked almost outside the front door. So had to turn around and walk back! Gotta be good for me right?
I probably managed a few hundred extra today because of a tiny blonde moment. After work I walked up the road to where I have been parking a little further away to get the extra steps in. I get there... no car... It takes a few seconds before I remember I was running late getting back from lunch so parked almost outside the front door. So had to turn around and walk back! Gotta be good for me right?
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Tomorrow I have to step it up!
So I said in an earlier post that from tomorrow (30th September) I would wear my pedometer everyday and step 10-15,000 steps a day.
The blog will be updated every day now with the steps I have stepped.
I met with a very good friend today to start putting a plan into place for the climax 23 hour walk on 30 January. I'm so blessed to have good friends around me. We have a venue pencilled in and a few ideas. We were hoping people may have connections to entertainers, sports people, etc and could get them involved on the day. I'll of course be out there for 23 hours but I see people will want to come and go throughout the time. If we get a bit of entertainment out there a few more may be inclined to go out.
We'll be organising a few of my favourite things too... Silent Auctions! I'm the one that keeps bidding just trying to get the prices up and usually end up having to fork out for a whole swag! :)
Some of you out there reading this may be able to help:
I spoke to my mother this afternoon too about what they may be doing in Taihape, NZ. It is still in the very early stages too but lets just says Zumba, Salsa and Hula Hoops....
The blog will be updated every day now with the steps I have stepped.
I met with a very good friend today to start putting a plan into place for the climax 23 hour walk on 30 January. I'm so blessed to have good friends around me. We have a venue pencilled in and a few ideas. We were hoping people may have connections to entertainers, sports people, etc and could get them involved on the day. I'll of course be out there for 23 hours but I see people will want to come and go throughout the time. If we get a bit of entertainment out there a few more may be inclined to go out.
We'll be organising a few of my favourite things too... Silent Auctions! I'm the one that keeps bidding just trying to get the prices up and usually end up having to fork out for a whole swag! :)
Some of you out there reading this may be able to help:
- Are you part of a business that may be able to provide any spot prizes or goods/services for the silent auctions?
- Do you know a 'celebrity' you may be able to get to attend?
- Are you a band/singer/magician/juggler... that wants to perform for an hour or so?
- Any thing else?...
I spoke to my mother this afternoon too about what they may be doing in Taihape, NZ. It is still in the very early stages too but lets just says Zumba, Salsa and Hula Hoops....
Monday, September 27, 2010
The meter has begun!
The fundraising meter that is!
To donate please click on the widget to the right or click here. You may also notice there is an option to join the team. If you want to join the team and do a little fundraising please email me and I can give you the password to set up your own page as part of the team.
I'm also excited as something may be organised in Taihape, New Zealand. This place will always be "home" to me and it is where my family still live and where Dane passed away.
I'll be sure to share the details when it eventuates!
To donate please click on the widget to the right or click here. You may also notice there is an option to join the team. If you want to join the team and do a little fundraising please email me and I can give you the password to set up your own page as part of the team.
I'm also excited as something may be organised in Taihape, New Zealand. This place will always be "home" to me and it is where my family still live and where Dane passed away.
I'll be sure to share the details when it eventuates!
Friday, September 24, 2010
When you speak up people listen
The thing about vocalising an idea is it becomes all the more real. So now I've committed myself to really doing this it seems it's growing!
Check out the Facebook Page
The main aim of this is to raise awareness and raise the taboo. It's only been a matter of literally days but already I have received dozens of messages of support and people sharing their story with me.
I feel touched, honoured and overwhelmed that others can share their experience with me. Can I share a few with you?
"...A person very close to me has depression and has several attempts, the latest was two weeks ago and a close call in Intensive Care..I am really sorry for your bother and for your loss, it is very hard on families - thanks for doing what you are doing and good luck at raising awareness on this issue."
"As someone who was having suicidal thoughts when (removed) was 7 months old due to PND it means alot to have someone who is brave enough to bring mental health and depression issues into the light. Looking back at it now I feel ashamed myself for planning to end my life and I was lucky that I had made contact with a support group here-not sure what would have happened otherwise :( It is so scary to have depression in a bad way."
"You don't know me but I share your story except it was my sister who took her own life. You have inspired me to also raise my voice all the way on the other side of the world."
"2 years ago I was ready to end my life. The depression that enveloped me was suffocating. It took just one person, not even a friend, a mere acquaintance who saw the danger signs to as you say "speak up" for me and ultimately save my life. Good luck with your journey. I am sure you will impact the lives of many"
So thank you everyone for your support. You are all amazing :)
Check out the Facebook Page
The main aim of this is to raise awareness and raise the taboo. It's only been a matter of literally days but already I have received dozens of messages of support and people sharing their story with me.
I feel touched, honoured and overwhelmed that others can share their experience with me. Can I share a few with you?
"...A person very close to me has depression and has several attempts, the latest was two weeks ago and a close call in Intensive Care..I am really sorry for your bother and for your loss, it is very hard on families - thanks for doing what you are doing and good luck at raising awareness on this issue."
"As someone who was having suicidal thoughts when (removed) was 7 months old due to PND it means alot to have someone who is brave enough to bring mental health and depression issues into the light. Looking back at it now I feel ashamed myself for planning to end my life and I was lucky that I had made contact with a support group here-not sure what would have happened otherwise :( It is so scary to have depression in a bad way."
"You don't know me but I share your story except it was my sister who took her own life. You have inspired me to also raise my voice all the way on the other side of the world."
"2 years ago I was ready to end my life. The depression that enveloped me was suffocating. It took just one person, not even a friend, a mere acquaintance who saw the danger signs to as you say "speak up" for me and ultimately save my life. Good luck with your journey. I am sure you will impact the lives of many"
So thank you everyone for your support. You are all amazing :)
Organising the action
So with my idea in mind and now public (so I have to do it!) I set about organising a few things to put in place.
I approached Fin from the local business Elite Gym Hire about getting their support by giving me a free treadmill for 24 hours! He was very keen and happy to help out. He just had to check with the suppliers/manufacturers.
I approached Fin from the local business Elite Gym Hire about getting their support by giving me a free treadmill for 24 hours! He was very keen and happy to help out. He just had to check with the suppliers/manufacturers.
"I was chatting to our supplier and it turns out that the treadmills have a governing device to prevent them overheating that would cut in after a few hours. Same deal with the commercial ones at the gyms. I'd recommend using the treadies at (name) and booking out 3 units and walking for 1 hour on each, giving the unit 2 hours to cool down before reusing. Sorry we couldn't help you but it appears treadmills just aren't designed for 24 use without cooling down."
I did have to laugh. Never mind the treadmill overheating, what about me!? Haha. I'm pretty sure I've got one of those governing devices too!
Onto plan B at Fin's suggestion...
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Now for the 'what'
My first post was on the 'why'. Now for the 'what' and my plan of action.
This is all in the draft stages at the moment but I'm very excited to be doing something so I'm busting to tell you all about my plan.
The title of my blog "Step Out, Speak Up" is a clue to what I plan to do.
Today I wore a pedometer from the time I left for work at 8am until 8pm at night. It tells me in that 12 hour time frame I took 8364 steps. That's pretty average huh?!
So here's the plan...
This is all in the draft stages at the moment but I'm very excited to be doing something so I'm busting to tell you all about my plan.
The title of my blog "Step Out, Speak Up" is a clue to what I plan to do.
Today I wore a pedometer from the time I left for work at 8am until 8pm at night. It tells me in that 12 hour time frame I took 8364 steps. That's pretty average huh?!
So here's the plan...
- Starting from 30 September I vow to take 10-15000 steps a day. This is a little more than what it seems I do in an average day and is symbolic of stepping out just that little bit further. It could symbolise the few extra steps out of one's comfort zone that you have to take to say "I'm not ok" or "I need help". It could symbolise the extra step you may need to take as a friend/family member/workmate to ask someone, "Are you ok?", "How can I help?"
- The Main Event! Dane was just 23 years old when he committed suicide. I plan on walking on a treadmill for 23 hours straight, 1 hour for every year of his life. I'm in contact with a local business that supplies treadmills as I speak. They need to check if a treadmill can actually operate for 23 hours straight. Never mind the treadmill, what about me!?
I will be raising money through sponsorship/donations for an organisation that works on connecting people with care by providing services in suicide prevention, crisis support and mental health support. I'm waiting on the official 'okay' from head office so I won't name my nominated charity just yet.
$10,000. Is that an outrageous target? Probably. But hey, outrageous I like so outrageous it is. That's my goal. Ten thousand grand... Sheesh!
More important than money though is the message. The cloud surrounding suicide and depression needs to clear so people get the help and support they need. If this little project of mine enables someone to get help, or someone to give help, I really will have accomplished something.
Once I get the official word from the charity for the go ahead the fundraising page will be set up and it will be go go go! (or step step step!).
It's at this stage that I'll be asking all of you to spread the word. Get the message out there.
Dane Anson Joel Katipa 30/01/1983 - 04/08/2006
My brother Dane took his own life. He hung himself in my parents garage.
I could've started by writing a beautiful piece about what a cute bonny baby he was.
I could've shared a few funny stories about him like when he would wear nothing but shorts all year and his gumboots because "I'm a man".
I could've told a few stories about when he was a teenager and up to all sorts of no good (and I'm sure I only know a tenth of it!).
I could've shared how close we were growing up and the adventures we had in the backyard building roads in the dirt.
I could've shared embarrassing stories like how we would have competitions in the bath to see who could fill the empty shampoo bottle up the most with pee before we tipped it out the window (actually I won't share that, it's my embarrassing story too!)
I could've shared how his only nephew at the time loved him to pieces and although he'd occasionally grumble he'd never deny the pleads for a ride on the motorbike.
However the truth is no matter what story I could tell it will always end the same. And sadly it's as simple and as blunt as my first line.
My brother Dane took his own life. He hung himself in my parents garage.
And so begins my project. To honor him. To heal myself.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)